6 min read
We’ll admit it: Wedding gift etiquette can be more confusing than receiving a wedding invitation with the dress code “disco beach casual.” Just like modern weddings themselves, wedding gift etiquette has changed over time, which can make purchasing a wedding gift all the more puzzling. For example, how much should you spend on a wedding gift? Is gifting cash ever appropriate—and if so, how much? Does wedding gift etiquette change when it’s a destination wedding? Thankfully, our wedding etiquette experts agree on a few essential pieces of wisdom. We dig deep to answer all of your wedding gift etiquette questions so that you can get to the good part—celebrating your loved ones.
rule #1: wedding gift spending
Traditional wedding gift etiquette says that you should spend as much on a wedding gift as you assume the couple is spending on hosting you at their reception. (For example, if you think a reception costs a couple $150 per person, that should be your wedding gift amount.) But really, how much you spend on a wedding gift also depends on a few key factors: How well you know the couple, how far you’re traveling for a wedding and how much you can feasibly afford.
The average wedding gift amount is $100, which is a solid place to start when thinking about how much to spend on a wedding gift. From there, add or subtract depending on how close you are with the couple, and how far you may be traveling to attend their wedding. At some points in your life, you might not have the budget to spend very much on a wedding gift, and that’s okay. Here, we break down how much to spend on a wedding gift, depending on all these factors.
$20–$50
When it comes to acquaintances and coworkers, you’re not expected to spend a very large amount on a wedding gift, especially if you’re attending solo. Also, if you’re younger or just out of college, spending $20–$50 on a friend’s wedding might be just right, depending on your budget.
$50–$100
In general, most wedding gift amounts should fall in this range, especially if you’re buying a wedding gift for a distant cousin, friend or coworker.
$100–$250
You should expect to spend within this wedding gift range for close family members and dear friends, especially if the gift is coming from you and your wedding date.
$250–$500
If it’s within budget, spending between $250 and $500 much on a wedding gift is customary for relatives of the couple. Or, if a high-price item appears on a wedding registry, you can contribute to a group gift within this range. (More on group gifting in a moment!)
$500+
Spending $500 or more on a wedding gift is not expected, and would customarily come from close friends and family.
rule #2: popular wedding gifts
DRINKWARE
From Champagne coupes to everyday water glasses, matching drinkware is always a clear winner. Most couples ask for 4 to 8 of each kind of glass; be sure to check their registry in advance to see how many they need.
Serveware
Not every couple has enough serveware for hosting, and they’ll appreciate the gift of platters and dishes when it’s their first time to host Thanksgiving.
Home decor
From throw pillows to picture frames, home decor can help a couple establish their personal style in their new home together.
Kitchen tools & accessories
From mixing bowls to cutting boards to spatulas, filling their kitchen with just-right kitchen tools is the first step to epic meals they’ll make as a couple.
Table linens
Napkins, runners and tablecloths are the backdrop to memorable meals. They’re also a great way for a couple to show off their style when hosting meals together.
Cookware and bakeware
Not everyone owns the right pots and pans, but having them makes all the difference. Set your loved ones up for success with the best cookware and bakeware as a wedding gift.
Small kitchen appliances
Small kitchen appliances are always a good wedding gift idea. From luxe coffee makers to a super-stylish blender, these gifts are wedding registry classics for a reason.
Dinnerware
Most couples nowadays don’t register for fine china, but they still need enough plates for hosting and for everyday, too. Check their wedding registry to see how many you should buy as a wedding gift.
Flatware
Many couples keep their flatware for decades, so a classic set will ensure they’re always in style. Let their wedding registry guide you.
rule #3: when to give a wedding gift
There are a few different time periods before and after a wedding when you should give a gift. Let these timeframes guide you as a wedding guest.
Anytime after receiving the invite but before the wedding
Feel free to send a wedding gift anytime after you receive a wedding invitation (assuming the couple has set up their wedding registry), even if it’s before the wedding.
Two weeks before the wedding
The most ideal time to send a wedding gift is two weeks before the wedding. That way the couple isn’t holding on to it for months before the big day, and they can incorporate your gift into their home by the time they’re back from their honeymoon.
Within three months of the wedding
No worries if you’re not speedy with your gift. Three months after the wedding is a perfectly acceptable time to send a wedding gift.
Up to a year after the wedding
Most etiquette experts will tell you that you have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift, though it’s the least ideal timeframe. That said, it’s better than not sending one at all.
rule #4: how much cash to give
Similar to physical wedding gifts, the amount of cash you give as a wedding gift is mostly dependent on your relationship with the couple. Generally speaking, these guidelines are the most common.
$50
Most wedding etiquette experts advise against giving anything less than $50, though it’s a perfectly acceptable amount if you are attending a wedding alone or are a loose acquaintance or coworker.
$50-$70
Friends and distant family members who want to give cash generally stay within $50–$75.
$75–$100
Close friends and family members usually give between $75–$100.
$100+
Giving $100 as a wedding gift should only really happen with close relatives, like parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles.
rule #5: group gifting
Donate to group gift fund
Going in together with other guests is an easy way to contribute to a more expensive wedding registry item. Here’s how it works at Crate & Barrel: On the couples’ registry, look for a green icon that says “Group Gift Fund Item” next to a larger item such as a piece of furniture. Instead of paying for the entire gift, simply enter the dollar amount you’d like to give, which then arrives to the couple in the form of a gift card for them to spend.
rule #6: wedding gift etiquette for a destination wedding
For a destination wedding gift, the etiquette changes slightly, in these three ways:
Etiquette for buying physical gifts for a destination wedding
Purchase your gift and send it to the couple’s home in advance so that they’re not schlepping a blender back from Bermuda. (That way, you don’t have to pack it either!)
Etiquette for giving cash or a check gift for a destination wedding
In both cases, it’s most thoughtful to send cash or a check to the couple before the wedding.
Etiquette for giving a gift if you’re not attending a destination wedding
If you can’t attend a destination wedding, it’s always nice to send a gift anyway. As for the you gifting timeline, follow the guidelines for if it were a local wedding.
rule #7: wedding gift etiquette for a virtual wedding
Whether you’re attending a virtual wedding or logging in from afar, you’re still expected to give a gift as if it were an in-person wedding.
rule #8: gift etiquette for an elopement
In the case of an elopement, you’re not required to send a gift, but it’s always a nice gesture. (And the couple will likely appreciate it!)
Without a registry, it can be difficult to know what wedding gift to send after an elopement. If you’d like to give a physical gift, send something small after the couple announces their marriage.
You can always send a check or cash, following similar etiquette as if you’d attended: $25 for coworker or acquaintance; $50 for a friend or distant family member; $100+ for close friends or family.
rule #9: when to send a wedding gift
The most ideal time to send a wedding gift is two weeks before the wedding. That way it won’t get lost in the shuffle before the big day or arrive while they’re on their honeymoon.
Two months after the wedding is also a good time to send a wedding gift because the couple will be back from their honeymoon and settled into their shared home (if they weren’t living together already).
rule #10: buying wedding gifts not on the registry
There are only three instances where buying a wedding gift not on the registry is okay:
- If you know the couple well, i.e., they’re family members or very close friends.
- If the registry is completely bought out.
- If the registry items are completely out of your budget.
rule #11: buying a wedding gift when you’re not attending
If you are not close to a couple and you can’t be a wedding guest in person, you’re not obligated to buy a gift.
Family members who can’t attend the wedding should send a small gift or contribute to a group gift or honeymoon fund.
Friends who can’t attend the wedding can send a gift that’s within their budget.
rule #12: etiquette for opening wedding gifts
Guests don’t need to worry about this wedding gift etiquette—it’s for the couple to decide whether or not to open gifts at the bridal shower or wedding. Engaged couples, keep these two points in mind:
Couples should open wedding gifts as they are received.
Always send thank-you notes right after opening a gift.
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